Did you know 90% of people surveyed prefer the P-touch labeler? You can thank me for that information later.

I discovered this while listening to the radio on my way to the gym and, by god, I almost flipped my minivan doing a high speed u-turn to get to an office supply store because I was worried there would be a rush on the labelers and I wouldn’t get mine.  I mean, 90%!  Even with toothbrush and toothpaste surveys you never get more than 4 out of 5.

Then on the way there I started to wonder:  90% of people surveyed– who were these people?  I mean, if I accidentally pick up the phone while distractedly surfing the internet for shoes or porn or shoe porn and there is someone doing a telephone survey on the other end, I easily dodge it by shouting, “Oh my God!”, making a crackling noise and then asking them to call back because my kid is on fire and I can’t really do the survey right now.  Then I just unplug the phone. Believe you me, if I am smart enough to figure out this strategy then anyone can. Right now you are reading this and coming up with your own, ‘Dodge the Survey’ techniques.  There are thousands of them and I know you’ll share some of your favorites in the comments section.  If nothing else, this blog encourages audience participation.

So again, I ask you, who are these people who overwhelmingly love the P-touch labeler?  I suspect they were P-touch inventors or other staff working for P-touch Corp.  Perhaps they were on a lunch break at work and had a mouthful of ham sandwich. They didn’t want to be rude, and so just nodded when the independent market research firm representative asked, “Do you prefer the P-touch labeler to all other labelers?”

Then you have to ask yourself, who were the other 10% of disloyal jerks who preferred some other labeler?  Maybe they weren’t even disloyal but instead were choking on a bite of ham sandwich and shaking their head furiously to dislodge the obstructing deli meat which could easily be mistaken by the market research firm employee for a negative answer.  Maybe really 100% of people surveyed love the labeler and this is a huge misunderstanding.

I also wonder why all of the employees of  P-Touch Inc. eat ham.

Of course, I also started to wonder other things.  Like what does the ‘P’ stand for in ‘P-touch’?  My husband’s name begins with a ‘P’ and he gave himself the rapper name of ‘Baggy-P’ which might be silly and looks even sillier in print but that is kind of the point of giving himself a rapper name since he is of English/ Irish descent and prefers heavy metal music.  What was my point here?  Oh yeah. When you go to name a product that might possibly, no will almost definitely, be preferred by 90% of the people surveyed, and you have to come up with a name for this product, one that really captures it’s pure awesome labeling capabilities, how do you come up with ‘P-touch’?  What does that ‘P’ stand for?  Power?  Prime?  Perfect?  Popular?  Potent?  Again, here is an opportunity for you to chime in on the comments.  What does the ‘P’ stand for in this incredibly popular labeler’s name?

I also need to be clear here.  I don’t really know that anyone working for P-Touch International likes ham.  For all I know they are all vegetarians and that is what really makes their labeler so awesome.  So.  Parts of this blog are made up.  Now you know.

Also, the woman who insisted on this blog (not this specific post but me blogging in general and no, I will not reveal who she is because she doesn’t need the hate mail) has suggested that I add pictures to fancy things up a bit.  I was worried about the legalities of posting certain relevant pictures so I had to come up with my own material here.  I apologize if this is not what you had in mind Camille:See, now my blog is fancy

8 thoughts on “P-touch

  1. The “Penultimate” Labeler. Not quite the ultimate due to the 10% hold out.

    Wow! Camille sure is a common name. I don’t know if I can speak for this other Camille but for me, ANYTHING is made better by a Unicorn with a smile and a Rainbow!

    If P-Labeler had a Unicorn with a Rainbow ON their Labeler, they’d be the ULTIMATE Labeler. Then they could call it the U-Labeler. Which just sounds better doesn’t it? And the “U” could also stand for Unicorn!

    I think I’m on to something here….

  2. I’m hoping P-Touch takes over that last 10% and becomes the de-facto labeler for our generation. Then it can enter the vernacular like Xerox and Kleenex did, and we can start using it in our everyday language:

    “Hey, I need to P-Touch my officer printer.”

    “Did someone remember to P-Touch Bob’s equipment?”

    “Goddammit!! Who P-touched me while I was sleeping?!!?”

    “Mary, can you P-Touch this?”

  3. I have been completely P-touched by the preceeding comments. The “P” could stand for anything from pabulum to pinky to penis to python. Perhaps it was meant to stand for precision…but then that wouldn’t be very precise, would it? What percentage has to be reached before the Feds come in and say “you hold a P-touch monopoly. We’re gonna have to squash it.” Would P-touch Corp get around the anti-trust law by creating the A-touch? B-touch? C-touch?…the sexual innuendos are just to damn funny to…well…touch. The Imp of the perverse seems to have had a hand in creating this product.

  4. Hi, I came here after googling “what does the p in p-touch stand for” and I couldn’t have been happier with the outcome of my google. I truly hope p-touch becomes to the new “xerox” of label makers. Thank you for making my day.

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